1.1 – Remember and Know Them

December 20, 2014

Dear Darkened Rose,

I’m getting a tattoo for Daddy. It won’t be near as big as the one I got for you. It’s going to be the lyrics to a song he would sing to me in his handwriting. You know the one. We’ve always danced to it at your nieces’ and nephews’ wedding receptions—

“You will always be beautiful in my eyes. -Daddy”

I have a shit ton to say, and am a bit directionless. Which, that probably attunes to much of where I still am in my life.

I miss you.

Five years and some change. So much growth has taken place in the things that surrounded you.

Mawmaw moved to Colorado to live with your Aunt Mary. I visited her for Thanksgiving with Caleb (we’ll get into the deets of that cutie later). She really appreciated it. ImShe tries to fill the void with Facetiming her kids, grandkids, and great grandkids as often as possible. Albeit, I’m sure that emptiness still pokes its head out pretty often. Losing you, Aunt Mary, Uncle Mark, and Pawpaw has put us in a lingering state confusion.

I think Aunt Mary is rubbing off on her a bit. Mawmaw insisted that we go to the theater while we were there to see the latest movie in The Hunger Games series. So we proceeded with the same attitude, and were persistent that we go to the new Alamo Drafthouse out in Denver. We were shocked to see there wasn’t a crowd there at all, which is insane.

I was so proud that she was starting to get in the groove of things out here. It makes me so happy to see her being the fullest extent of Eva Jane that she can possibly be. She’s a gem.

Back to speaking about Mawmaw’s grandbabies and great-grandbabies, Janie and Brandon got married in December of 2012. Their ceremony was beautiful. Brad was the minister/officiant, and had some good quips. I gave a terrible speech with some embarrassingly loose lips. I said, “incestual” to describe my view of Bridge City. The word I was looking for was “incestuous.” That whole speech will forever haunt me. I loosened up when she surprised me with a song that we danced ourselves sweaty to. I’ll probably reference it later, so that it may be the song for another letter.

They got pregnant soon after, and had a baby girl on August 25th, 2013. Her name is Bae Rose Gauthier (the middle name merely because that’s Janie’s favorite flower, haha). Janie let me be there for the birth. It was amazing, she persevered without an epidural. Who would’ve thought OUR Janie could do that. She was a champ.

We were all living together at the time (Jane, Brandon, Bae, and I). In fact, now all your kids live in Austin. Jane and Brandon planned to live in New York right after they got married, but plans changed a few weeks after when they found out they were going to be parents. They got to live in New York for 6 months, and then we all got an apartment together in Austin so that Janie could have the baby here in Texas. I think that is possibly one of my favorite eras in life to date—despite you not being here, and the fact that I haven’t had any milestone too huge of my own happen in my life yet.

Ian started school this year. As you know, he’ll be 6 in April. He’s grown to be an intelligent and quite manipulative little booger. He is undoubtedly your son’s child. He seems to be making friends well, which is awesome. I know we were all fearful of the fact that he’s been an only child. Fortunately, he seems to be a pretty normal little tyke. He loves Bae, and is a pretty good example of a close big cousin.

Brad and Sarah finally got engaged a few months back. He proposed at our family vacation with Daddy in Winter Park, CO. From the beginning, you saw something in Sarah that you loved dearly. To divulge, it took Janie and I a little bit longer than it should have to find that. Yet, in the past couple of years she has grown to be a very appreciated part of the family.

I will have doubled my sibling count in the next year, and it just feels perfect.

Again, I have a lot to say. A little at a time is what I can handle, at best, for now. I will write soon. I’ll find a schedule to create consistency. Although, for now, I feel we’ve covered a lot of the basics about them.

I love you.


Enclosed are cool things.

The Song: Beautiful in my Eyes


The Pictures: