December 30, 2021 Dear Darkened Rose, [You can quickly scroll to the bottom if you’re just here for the baby photos. I don’t blame you, but don’t expect quality shots. Life is still blurry right now.] My birthing experience really started taking shape at 37 weeks gestation. I had an early morning OB appointment that… Read More "2.6 – The risk to remain tight in a bud…"
August 20, 2021 Dear Darkened Rose, I recently read a discussion board full of anxious mothers where they were talking about when their first pregnancies finally felt real. The rational people were saying, "when I heard my baby's heartbeat for the first time." My kind of people were giving answers like, "2 months after the… Read More "4.8 – Neglecting Happiness is the Groundwork of Depression"
July 1, 2021 Dear Darkened Rose, Since I was a teenager, I have written countless prose and poetry bits and journal entries about matrescence and motherhood. Needless to say, I have very carefully awaited this time in my life. Many, many tears have been shed from a deep fear that this time would never come.… Read More "3.7 – What were your first trimesters like?"
May 24, 2021 Dear Darkened Rose, Keeping my nerves at bay has been a lot of responsibility, lately. Since the wedding, I have done a lot to change my brain chemistry to strive to make steps in a more self-sufficient direction. I lowered my depression medication, stopped occasionally supplementing my anxiety medication, stopped drinking alcohol… Read More "5.3 – XY Named V"
May 23, 2021 Dear Darkened Rose, I wanted to make sure to take the time to share some wedding photos with you. I guess while doing so, I will also explain how proud of and contented I am with the marriage that Caleb and I have. Admittedly, the early years of our relationship were labored… Read More "5.2 – Now I gotta wait for you, honey."
May 21, 2021 Dear Darkened Rose, After a myriad of readjusted expectations, Caleb and I finally got married. On your birthday, nonetheless. Planning a wedding made me an angry person. I recognized that I almost made my way to sith-hood before noticing that I had been hanging out on the dark side of the force… Read More "2.6 – Failures of Dreaming of a Wedding"
August 31, 2020 (Mawmaw's birthday, I hope you visited with her) Dear Darkened Rose, I remember on one of my first appointments with Madeline Alford she asked me a version of an age-old counselor's question— When can you last remember being effortlessly happy? Considering at that time I would have been an early teenager, I… Read More "3.6 – When was the last time you were happy?"
May 20, 2020 Dear Darkened Rose, I'm in a constant state of feeling as though I could use just a bit more sleep. This year, the amount of time I have spent up at work has increased which is quite opposite of what I had hoped for during these months. I had been looking forward… Read More "2.5 – Zoom Out of Time"
January 19, 2020 Dear Darkened Rose, Now more than ever, I feel as though I am the most healthily aware version of myself as I have ever been. While I may not yet be at the peak of having met my strongest state of mental health, I can see that I am watching myself climb… Read More "3.5 – The children’s book"