January 17, 2016 Dear Darkened Rose, About mid-October I found this seed that I wanted to plant around the time of my birthday. It is a seed of sobriety. I decided to set this to be a goal of at least six months to start the year 2017 as healthily as possible. I went to the… Read More "2.3 – No Alcohol Beyond This Point"
August 20, 2021 Dear Darkened Rose, I recently read a discussion board full of anxious mothers where they were talking about when their first pregnancies finally felt real. The rational people were saying, "when I heard my baby's heartbeat for the first time." My kind of people were giving answers like, "2 months after the… Read More "4.8 – Neglecting Happiness is the Groundwork of Depression"
July 1, 2021 Dear Darkened Rose, Since I was a teenager, I have written countless prose and poetry bits and journal entries about matrescence and motherhood. Needless to say, I have very carefully awaited this time in my life. Many, many tears have been shed from a deep fear that this time would never come.… Read More "3.7 – What were your first trimesters like?"
May 24, 2021 Dear Darkened Rose, Keeping my nerves at bay has been a lot of responsibility, lately. Since the wedding, I have done a lot to change my brain chemistry to strive to make steps in a more self-sufficient direction. I lowered my depression medication, stopped occasionally supplementing my anxiety medication, stopped drinking alcohol… Read More "5.3 – XY Named V"
May 23, 2021 Dear Darkened Rose, I wanted to make sure to take the time to share some wedding photos with you. I guess while doing so, I will also explain how proud of and contented I am with the marriage that Caleb and I have. Admittedly, the early years of our relationship were labored… Read More "5.2 – Now I gotta wait for you, honey."
May 21, 2021 Dear Darkened Rose, After a myriad of readjusted expectations, Caleb and I finally got married. On your birthday, nonetheless. Planning a wedding made me an angry person. I recognized that I almost made my way to sith-hood before noticing that I had been hanging out on the dark side of the force… Read More "2.6 – Failures of Dreaming of a Wedding"
August 31, 2020 (Mawmaw's birthday, I hope you visited with her) Dear Darkened Rose, I remember on one of my first appointments with Madeline Alford she asked me a version of an age-old counselor's question— When can you last remember being effortlessly happy? Considering at that time I would have been an early teenager, I… Read More "3.6 – When was the last time you were happy?"
May 20, 2020 Dear Darkened Rose, I'm in a constant state of feeling as though I could use just a bit more sleep. This year, the amount of time I have spent up at work has increased which is quite opposite of what I had hoped for during these months. I had been looking forward… Read More "2.5 – Zoom Out of Time"
January 19, 2020 Dear Darkened Rose, Now more than ever, I feel as though I am the most healthily aware version of myself as I have ever been. While I may not yet be at the peak of having met my strongest state of mental health, I can see that I am watching myself climb… Read More "3.5 – The children’s book"
September 13, 2019 Dear Darkened Rose, I still have some unpacking to do. Laundry has long been unloaded and is now in regular cleaning cycles. Although, my brain—on the other hand—has not had the same luxury as my laundry. Searching for my newly reclaimed routine has taken a bit longer than I would have liked.… Read More "4.7 – It’ll rain a sunny day"